I am on a short break, so I have to be quick. First, thank you all for your comments.
I am ready. I have never been ready to go to any length and always had that hope of being normal with effort. I get it this time. This is what a bottom feels like. I am ready to accept that I am an alcoholic and will NEVER be able to drink normal. Last night, after I brushed my teeth, I went to wash with Listerine and thought, man if this puts the slightest amount into my body... it's not worth the risk. I put it down and went to bed.
The Korean meetings are just too far from my house to go to. Right now, SR is all I have and I am exploring maybe trying to find a sponsor via Skype if that is a thing.
Thanks again. I am so thankful to see these words from you all.