Thanks for sharing. I'm NC with two siblings and their wives. I don't have much contact with my father, who is actively drinking daily. I used to occasionally visit their home and would ask my mother, "will there be any one else there?" and when she said, "no," my wife and I would visit. We would play some board games, have some food, spend time with her and go home. I might visit my Dad sitting in his living room watching tv, with his plastic cup of liquor in hand. He says next to nothing and yet will get upset when I leave. Weird... I haven't visited in a year or so when my Mother got really upset with my usual question before visiting her house. She challenged my NC with my siblings saying "why does it matter" - "because there are certain individuals I do not wish to see" - "who cares?" "I care" ...etc, etc.. Because of that, my wife and I don't feel comfortable visiting my mother and father's home. My mother's wish to fix things or put things under the rug...well...pushed me away. Because I don't participate in the under the rug stuff.
(P.S. - Since I'm not visiting my parent's home, I don't see my father. My mother will come to lunch with me, but my father rarely leaves the home. Such is the disease in shackling the person suffering. My father didn't even show up for the counseling session with my siblings and mom.)
Now, I don't hear from my father. My mother complained to me and I said that he has hands to pick up a phone, write an email, and a mouth to talk when I visit. I've sent him an e-mail and he didn't respond. Relationships are a two-way street. If it's just me reaching out all the time...without response...isn't that just me having a relationship on my own?? Why would I continue to try and involve the other person?
It's really weird.
The best to you and I'm so sorry you are seeing (or even hearing) a loved one suffering from the disease. It's heartbreaking.