Validated
I went NC with my mom two weeks ago. Around mother's day the doubt over my choice crept in. I think the holiday just opened up a very raw wound for me, so while I felt like I personally did not need to have a relationship with her, it was pretty selfish of me to deny her one when she is dying. But I stayed steady with NC despite the doubts and guilt. I found out my mom was admitted to the hospital last week, which really almost broke my conviction for NC. I was very emotional all weekend, bouncing between wanting to call her for HER and wanting to stay NC for me. Then spoke to my sister today and she informed me my AM admitted to drinking again right after she got out of the hospital. That moment drove it home so clearly for me - I made the right choice! Something akin to relief washed over me. Yes it's upsetting she is drinking again; she is literally dying so even that one drink is death for her - but also I always knew that despite her dying, that doesn't mean I have to condone what she does. She doesn't get a free pass to keep screwing up and have me going along for the ride.
I'm still working out this NC thing and if I want to be kept in the loop on my mom's situation. Realistically it will get harder to be told about her deterioration, so I think I need to stop the flow of information there. But I'm just feeling a small victory towards working on my mental and emotional well-being. I'm choosing to move forward despite what she does and it's a big leap from where I was last month.