Originally Posted by Yurt

Liz,
I have had similar conversations with my XAH including the exact comments above. I imagine that some of the flip flops in his attitude may have had something to do with my dating, but mostly it had to do with the AH. I came to the conclusion that I would never be able to predict when he would be lucid and sane, or over the top; with yelling and accusations. I finally composed an email that spelled out my boundaries. That I would not speak to him by phone or in person if he acted in a way that made me uncomfortable. I even had to demonstrate that one time, by leaving in the middle of a conversation. He got the idea very quickly, and has been easier to deal with ever since then. Of course, I make sure that my conversations with him are before 6pm, as his brain is usually pickled after that point and he is often antagonistic.
This is graduation week for my DD and I expect to spend a fair amount of time with both DD and AH. I am hoping that he keeps it together until she walks. He did very well last week during several award assemblies, so we will both put on our smiling faces for her sake.
Keep putting your best foot forward. You have done a fine job modeling what adult behavior is supposed to look like to your DS. Hopefully, your STBXAH will notice and follow suit. If not, then he will be left behind.

I will be in your area for a few weeks this summer. Maybe coffee one day?