It's been almost a month since I left my alcoholic, promiscuous, verbally abusive, and drug addicted fiancé. Since then my life has gotten better. I'm no longer having to deal with the chaos and drama she caused, and I'm starting to realize that her behavior no longer has an effect on me. I wrote her a letter explaining why I left. She showed no signs of changing, so I stopped talking to her.
In the last couple of weeks, I guess she gave our apartment key to her alcoholic brother. I got a call from management saying that the neighbors complained about party noise, but she thought we were moved out. Our lease isn't up until 5/31, but I told her we were moved out. We went to look at the apartment and found her brother's things along with a drunken mess (beer bottles and various forms of alcohol everywhere), and the door was unlocked. The apartment manager took my side because she was pretty sure my ex fiancé caused the mess with her brother, and she agreed to clean the mess and take the money from my ex fiancé's security deposit. She changed the locks for me, too, and after I apologized to the neighbor downstairs, who was really understanding, I asked her to call the police if she heard any noise coming from upstairs.
I fell into the trap of replying to a message my ex sent me where she appeared to threaten harm to herself. She quickly started blaming me for leaving once I replied and told a couple of her family members about the message. Instead of choosing to listen to me and get better, she blamed me for leaving and said why I left was just lies and excuses. She blamed me for telling her family about her habits, and she said I ruined her life because now everyone knows how messed up she is. She said that she would have quit if I had stayed and she needed my help to quit, but I've seen through that lie. I replied explaining how her behavior hurt me, and she replied with insults and attacks. I told her those no longer affect me. I explained it every way I could that she gave me no choice to leave and if she really loved me that she would choose to get better. She insisted that there isn't a problem. I told her goodbye and blocked any way that she could message me. I've accepted that I have no control over her behavior, and I don't need to let what she does to herself affect me.
I've been in counseling and twelve step studies every week since I left, and I've started to see how she manipulated me at every point in the relationship. I'm starting to see things from a different perspective, and I'm learning tools to help me understand my codependency and how to prevent this from ever happening again. I never want to repeat this lesson, as it has been the most painful one that I ever learned. The good side from all this is that I can get my own life back on track and work on myself. Just this month, I lost about 15 lbs, gained muscle mass, and I'm starting to look healthier than I have in two years. I don't feel like I'm going to have a heart attack every minute of the day anymore. I'm free from the chains she put on me, and I'm better for it.