I sort of tend to have the opposite kind of problem... forgiving a bit too easily and fast, apparently letting go and accepting things... it took me a great deal of work to realize it's only superficial, a form of developed repression and denial, in part most likely driven by components of my temperament, and also dues to the fact that I faced and survived more than one or two deaths close to me. There was an ex-bf, chronic depression and eventual suicide... a close friend, medical mistake... another bf, epilepsy combined with drug addiction... my mother with whom I had a very weird relationship with, old age and illness (I told you about that before)... more recently, another close friend, cancer, just before I got sober... I even survived my own near death experience at 19.
I definitely did not grieve the death of those loved ones after they happened, and each of them came back haunting me in different ways later, and then I had to deal with them in some form. What's interesting for me is that these don't tend to manifest for me as anger or bottled up resentments, I am one of those people who's prone to repressing anger and have always been. My more dominant defenses seem to be compartmentalization and displacement (of feelings).
I sometimes tell myself that I am just transforming the painful emotions into new experiences, new relationships... but I can't lie to myself anymore, it's not transformation in a true transcendental sense, it's displacement. My therapist once jokingly described it as some kind of "premature Buddhahood" -- alluding to the fact it's not true inner peace. After a considerable amount of self work over many years, I sometimes still have no clue where certain feelings belong, at least initially. I can always come up with new "places" for displacement though, I call them goals
Anyhow, you see, we all have our own personal, in part unique ways of dealing with emotional pains of all kinds. I also very much recommend getting some pro help processing these things. I did not get any formal help either until early last year, and oh my how much easier and faster it is to work through issues that way! It's also much safer. I actually had to learn not to do that sort of work and dig into my mind all the time on my own, even though I'm clearly good at digging and dissecting... but not so much at applying safe methods to practically dealing with what I find. And I'm not talking about drinking only, it's far, far more complex. It's really not a trivial thing to figure out by ourselves, from the inside, how it's best to deal with abuse, loss, and so on.
What you are doing here on SR, posting a lot about your concerns, is great. Reaching out for help is not easy, takes a lot of courage, and you are doing great in that department here definitely.