Welcome dear one. I'm sorry you are going through this. You're going to get loads of good advice from well traveled people here. Listen to them. Terms like abuse and Alcholism may be a million light years from what you were raised with. But an active abusive alcoholic is a million light years from normal. You are not being over dramatic. If anything you are downplaying the seriousness of the danger you are in. He is very much stuck back in his younger years. The maturation in addicts can be severely stunted. You are dealing with a dangerous child.
You met when you were 16. So there was 16 years of life never having known this man. There may be another 80 to go. You're young don't waste another minute. Run like all hell is chasing you! It may take a long time to straighten yourself out, but the longer you stay with him, the longer it will take and the sicker you will become. You aren't married and have no kids with him. This is a blessing. The Jekyll and Hyde routine will only get worse. Take all that you are experiencing now and drag it out another decade. Is that what you want your life to look like? You'd suffer all the pain , waste a life waiting for an apology from someone who can't even remember what they did.
I know this is not where your heart is now, you don't have to stop loving him. You just have to love him from a distance.