Thanks maybear. I'm trying to move on from blaming myself for everything. Il take responsibility for my responses to his behaviour but his behaviour and how he treated me is all his. I'm trying to reset my thinking in that I'm not to blame for him leaving or his treatment of me he left as he wanted to drink and he didn't like that I couldn't accept it and let him do what he wanted. I'm fine with that because his behaviour wasn't acceptable and I couldn't have continued to live that way. I gave him a choice, seek help with his drinking he chose not to, he chose to drink and walk out on his family, that's up to him. So in a way he did leave because of me as I wouldn't accept his behaviour anymore.
I have to learn to understand my attachment difficulties and how to not allow them to influence my future. And reactions to situations.