Never thought of reading the adult children forum, as I thought it was just for adult children of alcoholics.
Start an I agree a forum for those who came from dysfunctional families would be useful, we could learn so much from each other. I'm not proud of how I behaved either and feel so much shame for my behaviour, but we can't change the past only learn from it.
For me my mums unavailability due to depression created my insecurities as a child but then I chose to stay with someone who was also unavailable and was never able to meet my needs. I think this is also where the codie behaviour overlaps as I thought I could fix him as he loved me and certainly some of the traits mentioned above tie in with codie behaviour and certainly during my childhood I was an anxious child and I can remember certain behaviours, constantly washing my hands, obsessing I had caught an infection and as a young child writing my mum notes about how much I loved her and I was sorry for whatever I had done and confessing to every little thing I had done wrong and worrying about it until I confessed but as an adolescent I don't remember being anxious but I ran away a lot and did many things I'm not proud of. I know now this was for attention and as a child even negative attention is better than nothing.
Some of these behaviours came back after I met ex A, I remember after we had separated the first time for a long time, I dated other people but when we got back together I confessed to every little thing I did wrong even at times confessed to things I didn't do but if I thought oh did I do that then I believed I did and obsessed constantly about it until I told him I did do it. Even if I had been out for the night and I spoke to another bloke I would somehow turn it into something more and confess. And I certainly didn't want to cause arguments in case he left and always apologise after even when I knew it wasn't my fault. My thinking was so twisted that I believed him when he said he wasn't doing anything wrong and I was overreacting. I think now this was manipulation he used my anxiety so I would feel it was all my fault!!!! Is it any wonder I still go through periods of thinking I was to blame for him leaving.
My behaviour wasn't and isn't something I'm proud of but now I've had some time to focus on myself I'm hoping that I can recover from these behaviours and my previous traumas so I can feel healthy again. There's a lot of work ahead and a lot of hard work so for me it will be baby steps for awhile.