Thank you for your nice welcomes and replies. Zen, I am trying to get there. I have only felt this surrendered once before and and it all worked out. I am just glad I have lurked here long enough to surf the urge yesterday, a much better day as a result today. yes, come to the beach for the summer! Remember when you were little the whole summer seemed vast and full of promise. I am trying to approach being jobless like that. I need new friends that don't spend nights on the porch drinking wine and rehashing old hurts. Today is a sober day, the hard days will be the days my AV comes around...........