I've come to the conclusion that all my negative traits are magnified when drinking.
Its like i have the two angels on my shoulders that I saw in cartoons growing up. One of them is the source of anxiety, depression, avoidance, "I don't care" attitude, regret, poor diet, and more.
It feels like alcohol and drugs is the primary energy source for the evil angel. I guess what I'm saying is it's more than just AV. It's my EV...evil voice that has had control over me for so long.
Today, I checked my bank account and saw I was Busted. Just a few weeks ago, I would have added about 3 shots to my morning coffee so I could "handle" the news. That would have been followed by going back to bed for a while. Then I'd wake up with wicked anxiety and would need a drink to calm down. Maybe vodka and orange juice that time.
I'd finally take a shower and get ready for work. Feeling defeated, broke, with no hope. I'd hit the road with a travel mug of coffee....and vodka or rum. Drive straight to a liquor store and get a bottle for the road.
Keep in mind...I have a door to door sales job!!!
Duh! Like THAT helped my issues?
Instead...my good angel has the power to guide me. Within minutes of seeing that, I am free of worry and anxiety. I've come up with a solutions to the issue. NONE of which involves spending money on booze!!
I'm able to hit the road on time instead of sleeping more. I improve my odds of making money probably by an infinite amount since I am sharp, not dull.
I am so happy to be free.