edelweissx

I feel as if I am at a loss for words on how to start my post, or how to explain why I'm here. I guess I'll begin with why I'm posting.

I recently found out that my fiance has been using cocaine on and off for the 5 years that we have been together, and he did a very good job of hiding it from me. When I think back I can remember odd behaviour and warning signs that I missed and I'm not even sure how or why.

I found out at a very bad time, as the same weekend my step father had passed on. I don't believe I would have found out if it wasn't for the extremely odd behavior of my fiance, it turns out that what his friends told him was cocaine , was crystal meth. I saw a side of him that I never thought I would ever see and it was a scarey journey.

This was a bit more than 6 months ago, and since then I had forgave him and was able to cope with his promise to never use again. This weekend I have found out that he used cocaine again and tried to hide it from me once more.

I feel very confused and lost, and I am not sure of what steps to take to help myself and himself as well. We did talk about everything, but yet I don't find myself feeling better. I do my best to understand , and I never hold it against him nor will I. I'm just not sure how to cope , the trust has been comprised again.

Does anyone have advice or steps I should take?
Anything would be appreciated.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post