selpats

So since my latest revelation , I have been trying to focus on me. I have been working on getting into therapy, and I don't plan my days around maybe getting to see my addict. However, he's just as flakey as ever. I haven't seen him since Sunday. I thought that if I backed off a little bit, it might make him feel more comfortable about the situation. However, it just seems like it's causing yet another rift between us.

We talked about making plans yesterday, but he got in a fight with his sister (whom he lives with), and it ended up not happening after I spent a good chunk of the evening waiting for him to let me know, but I guess that was my fault for waiting. I thought we had plans to hang out today, but he went and made plans to go rock climbing with his buddy after work, saying he thought I was leaving for my trip today (I'm going out of town for the weekend). I asked him to reschedule because of the miscommunication, but said he couldn't because he had a busy weekend. It hurts my feelings that he can't make time to see me AT LEAST once a week. He said he didn't want us spending an unhealthy amount of time with each other, but we only hang out like 1 to 2 times a week. It seems to me like that's not going to be enough for us to repair the damage that has been done in our relationship. He works all day usually from around 6 to around 4. He gets off with enough time left in the day to hang out with me, but it always seems like he has something better to do.

I'm honestly thinking seriously at this point about just cutting him lose. It won't be nearly as heart breaking as it was the first time because it will be on my terms, and at least I will know why it ended. I just don't know how he expects any of this to work with the effort he puts into it. If he really wanted it, he would try harder, but he seems to not care whether I stay or go, so I might as well go.