Good morning all,
It is the start of day thirty seven here. There is a horrible chilly wind blowing around. It goes right through you. I don't think I will be smoking that much today. I have a nice cup of coffee and I am contemplating the day ahead. Business first.
Physically I am a good. I battled to get to sleep last night. I was feeling very anxious for some or other reason. I don't even know why. I did manage to sleep right through once I dropped off. I did have a slight headache this morning. And the appetite is back today. All in all I am good.
Mentally, I am good. I am not that motivated, but I am not disillusioned. I can think clearly on the tasks at hand and that is a good thing.
Emotionally it started great. But things that are beyond my control keep surfacing. These events trigger off feelings of rage and despondency. Every time I think I am getting settled down, something new pops up. I am now running out of patience and getting to the end of my tether. I am getting rather tired of being the bigger person in this mess and feel I am going to blow a gasket sooner rather than later. It takes two to tango.
Deep breaths, rant over. Smoke a cigarette and calm down. It is at moments like this that the AV lurks and I need to concentrate on that. It is hard to fight multiple battles at the same time. I can do this and I need to put one step in front of the other. I need to get to the point where I actually don't give a damn about other peoples feelings and to put my own in front of everyone else. I know that it is not right to feel this way - but right now I don't give a flying f*ck whose toes I trample.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB