RobbyRobot

Jeremy, why do you even consider not having medications? The psychotic breaks with reality are mitigated by taking the meds as a regular routine, and by not messing with the effectiveness of the meds by drinking alcohol. There is nothing to fear with the meds keeping your brain chemistry in as healthy a balance as possible.

You have several essential responsibilities. Take your meds routinely, and report truthfully to your doctor as to how well you are doing so they can be tweaked. Don't drink alcohol in any amounts for any reasons. Alcohol will mess with your meds, and they will become useless in helping you staying in reality. The more you mess with alcohol and your meds, the more breaks with reality you are going to have. It's not personal. It's science.

You're a smart enough guy to already know all the above truths, Jeremy. As you know, I too dealt with schizophrenia while drinking, and I had no better outcomes than you have had. When I stopped drinking in a supervised detox and did 3 months of rehab, things changed like night and day. I've been sober and sane for decades now since quitting.

When you say you fear it daily, I can't help but think you're not really giving the whole story here. Plenty of meds likely work well enough today to relief you from psychotic breaks, so no worries there. Alcohol is not good for you with or without a mental illness, so quitting will really help you there too.

So, the only reason why I can see how you might be fearful each day is you still haven't taken, or intend to soon take, clear actions to stabilize your meds and quit drinking. I don't mean to sound harsh, but nonetheless it is seriously time to become responsible for yourself.