I almost feel embarrassed ... ashamed, perhaps.
Here I am, again. Last time I visited these forums was February, 2014. All I can think at this point is wow, had I stayed sober, it would be over a year without a drink. That's an incredible thought, and I wish I would have had the strength to continue with my previous sobriety (which was seven days).
About six months ago, the most I went without having a drink, was 10 days. I was previously drinking about 9-10 mixed drinks per day, years ago. Six months ago I cut that to 4-5 per day... about 3 months ago I cut that to only beer, about 4-5 per day. But this has got to stop. I'm killing myself.
I'm ranting and rambling here - apologies for that. I could just really use some help to quit. I've tried places like AA, I've tried reading books about quitting ... I still seem to slip back into the same old habits. But the truth is, like I said, I AM killing myself. I'm barely 30 years old and I have to take blood pressure medicine. My liver ensyme (ALT level) was 187. The average is 5-45... so that's super startling.
If I don't quit this crap, I'm going to cut my lifespan. And with children in the house,
I am determined to find a way. I have to.
I just feel like I can't be happy without the alcohol. And I'm sure many of you have felt that way before. What did you do to help you overcome and adapt to the changes? What made you find happiness again? I try to even do some of the old hobbies I used to love (build model kits, build LEGO sets, bicycle for miles on the beach, etc.) and it's just meh - all I can think is how much better it would be with a beer in my hand.
If anyone can please help... to provide any insight... or any suggestions for hobbies, or how to find happiness again, I'd much appreciate it
(random note: I went on celexa about 3 months ago because my doctor had suggested it. I was only on it about 6 weeks before I decided to come off. It was making me feel 'happier', but I was having terrible moments of being hot, sometimes increased anxiety, etc. I don't want to be on a med and
addicted to something else - just want to find the natural way to be happy!)