Denial
My father is a high functioning alcoholic. Goes to work every day, pays his bills on time, supposedly doesn't drink and drive. He functions in most ways you can think of. Except...he drinks EVERY day.
For me, he seems shut-down from the world. I come to visit him and he's quiet and sullen. His eyes are locked onto his tv and he barely notices that I'm there. I once told him that I believe he suffers from alcoholism. His response??? NOTHING at all.
He doesn't visit. He doesn't request to meet me for lunch. He doesn't write. He doesn't call. He doesn't even e-mail. He doesn't send me a b-day card, an xmas card. I get correspondence from him once a year. Money for xmas and a note that says "don't spend it all in one place".
It's like he's not a part of my life. And yet...my mother complained that I don't contact him?
Next to no one in my family is willing to acknowledge my father's sickness. They want to point fingers back at me. That I'm disparaging the family image. There's maybe one sibling who agrees with me and says, "I'm waiting for the call. The call that he's finally gone."
It's like there's a giant wall of denial around his disease.
Are there other people with experiences like this? It's so baffling for it to be so obvious to me, and yet almost all of my FOO members refuse to acknowledge an issue. "he deserves to take a break after work".
Is denial like that for you and your FOO?