AA, I noticed your location is "running from addiction." That mindset didn't work for me. I tried repeatedly and failed. Once I stopped running and stared into the demon's eyes for a few months he kind of became my friend. I've been sober ever since. Something to consider. I hope your struggles subside.
This may seem wacky as hell, but I actually did this and it worked. Check it out:
The Process - Tara MandalaTara Mandala
The process is intense and can be frightening. I've followed it with regular meditation and mindful practices. I find it necessary to keep me balanced so I don't slip into wanting to numb my brain and my soul.