Thanks for the support guys. On top of all that I woke this morning to find my two cats hanging out in the bathtub with a sluggish but live BAT. It has been captured and health department says to bring it in tomorrow to get tested for rabies. If it was rabid then the cats need immediate vet care to be sure they weren't exposed. I think they are up to date on their shots but I have to go rooting around in my records to be sure. O/T I know but just another layer of stress today!
I slept very poorly when I finally could shut my mind off. I kept waking up (other than the usual pregnancy trips to the loo) and starting to have my mind spin, and had to just repeat to myself that it does me no good to worry or ruminate over my AM as it won't change anything, I just need to focus on keeping me and baby healthy, which means resting.
NWGrits, I have fantasies of going no contact with her but I haven't gotten to that place yet. We have always been close, too close really (codependent), so it has been a process to detach to our current level of contact. But I am realizing that unless she is working a program (and I suppose even then) I need to keep my expectations lower than before. And know that maybe she will never improve. This is a progressive disease and I refuse to allow my little family (husband, child, and I, along with any future children) to be affected by her choices.
It was a very scary phone call, from her housemate who was not home, that an ambulance was on ts way to her house and they didn't know why. I jumped to worst case scenario thinking she had had a heart attack or something, and to be honest I felt a bit of disappointment when the trooper called and said that she was "just drunk"... like at least if she had had a serious health crisis maybe it would give her a wake up call. Or to be really honest on here, if she had passed suddenly then she would be out of her misery and we wouldn't keep having this happen. Seeing her on the slow decline is terrible, and I do feel guilty having those thoughts but it is the truth.
I'll find out more this morning from my sister about what happened last night and where Mom is. I can't just go PollyAnna and send her a nonchalant "Happy Mother's Day!" text like I normally would. Awkward.
But to you, NWGrits, and all the other mothers on this forum, I do wish you a very Happy Mother's Day!