Originally Posted by
On The Road 
Thank you all for your insights. I'm hoping that one day my life will be more routine, where I don't have to be so deliberate about my sobriety. I will always guard it, for sure. But I'd like it to feel more of an organic part of who I am. At 4 1/2 months, I will then remain patient and stay the course Thomas - with all due respect - I don't ever see myself having another drink because, to your point, it can and will kill me.
The routine will come, and there will be a time when sobriety doesn't feel deliberate and actively occupy your mind. I remember feeling like you did and wondered if there would ever be a time that I wasn't thinking about "not drinking." I'm at six months and well on the way there. For me it's in small ways like walking by the liquor store and realizing it no longer makes me think about sobriety. It's just like walking by any other store. A couple weeks ago at bowling a friend set her beer on a table in front of me, and I realized later it felt the same as if it had been water or a carbonated drink - it was just a beverage and didn't make me think about "not drinking". Now declining a drink feels the same as declining a coffee after supper because I know I won't sleep. It's not a "thing" I dwell on or think about - it just is normal.
I feel just as committed to my sobriety as I ever did, actually even more so. Those deliberate practices were necessary in the early days to help establish sobriety as part of my identity. They were part of the process of transforming into a new way of being. It's a great way to be - now it's the thought of drinking that feels unnatural.
Congrats on 4.5 months - you got this.