I lowered the bar for both of us I guess.
Oh my dear...I so totally understand that. I realized that the standards of basic care I had instilled in my children were no longer even recognized. I could finally see for my own self...with my own eyes..though red and swollen they were...that my son..whom I had hung my hopes and dreams on...was an addict. He has stolen from me, he lies to me, he yelled and screamed the most horrific things at me...coming all the way just shy of physical attacks. And I allowed it..because in the days when he wasn't high..wasn't drunk...oh heavens...I loved those talks..the verbal back and forth that made Sonny - Sonny. But those times came fewer and fewer and so I turned a blind eye and I guess just accepted that when the ONE good time came around...I would be there. But like you, I had other children that I have to protect..both physically and emotionally. I (through sheer habit) learned to toss a room with increadible speed. Sort the trash to find the hidden evidence.. I can tell you all the ways a pipe can be made...where his favorite hiding places are..Cause you know...I just fell off the turnip truck...HE STILL PUTS IT BACK IN THE SAME PLACE!!! So now, I can't allow him to come to my home. Oh I guess I could allow him to...but I won't allow him to. He even stole one of my prize pups and sold him without papers for a bag of junk.
I have finally realized that it isn't HIM that has lowered his standards...It's me. I lowerd mine to accomidate a RELATIONSHIP with this person who does not love me..okay...maybe in his own way he does..but certainly doesnt respect me as a mother, a lady and most definatly not as an intelligent human being.
Sorry to ramble on...but today has been a day of insight.
My heart to yours dear. Write back..I promise not to hi-jack again.