Thank you all for your responses. I know that I am a "good" mom...I was never great..but I did the best I could. But be that as it may...SonnyBoy decided to pick up that alcohol...I dang sure didn't offer it or make it available...nobody put anything in his babybottle but milk. I am of a different mind set than most. I don't believe that he was predisposed to this "illness"...I believe it is a downright choice. A choice that he made for himself..a weakness in his charater or a weakness in his internal makeup that my other sons have managed to sidestep quite nicely.
Maybe that is why I worry so much over SB...I realized something the other day...I don't even know my oldest son...not really. He lives with his dad...is very quiet and just does what he has to do...work, home, work, home...my youngest is about to go in to the eleventh grade and is an AB honor student, third year ROTC officer and all around good kid...but I am having to long distance parent. I was the stronger of the two parents in the household. I had promised them at different times in their childhoods that our family wasn't going to be a "split" family...and then daddy changed the plans...and they all went to him...one by one. Oh they come back of course...the odd weekend and holidays...but it is Sonny who calls on my birthday and Mother's Day...but also "just because"...I guess you could say that he is my heart child. The one that connects with me on a slightly different level. And that is why it is SSOOOO hard to let him go. But I am. I am starting to see the ...what's the word???? UNhealthyNess of him...and how with a word..a phone call...he can drag me and my world down the rabbit hole. BUT..only if I let him...Only if I allow him... And for myself, for my other two sons and my daughter in law....and my husband...and even for their daddy(my ex)....I will not....I cannot be caught in his whirlpool as he sinks to whatever depths he is going.
I had in my signature that I was finally able to take a breath..because I had made it...well, I suppose I was only getting ready for round two. Well bring it on SonnyBoy...this lovingmom is ready now. I have the wherewithall to stand strong...I finally have a backbone..and she is called Alanon...
Mom