I relapsed recently as well. I had been sober during Lent but fell off the wagon pretty hard. The weekends have been gawdawful, four day binges followed by some very uncomfortable detoxing. But after a few days in the clear I find excuses to drink again.
When I was sober there were definitely some times that I felt like I was missing out. But, when I drink it gets progressively worse. Maybe five beers on the first night, then beers and bourbon night two, etc. I ended up in a fight Sunday evening and my lip was cut and I got a shiner; so I called into work sick and drank all day. Currently I'm in the throes of detox hell. Shivering and what not. This is madness.