AWF, I cringed when I read your post about hiding everything! We did the exact same thing the last time JJ stayed "one night". It is definitely best that you keep an emotional distance in early recovery. Your son can surround himself with people working towards the same goals. You and your family (like all of us family members) are tools to him. He will continue to rely on you and manipulate if he is able to.
Recovery takes time. I still am waiting for JJ to make it around the bend (five long years). The last few years I really took a step back and I am so happy I did. JJ's addiction was controlling everything I did and thought. My entire family resented him for what he was doing, yet I do also know it wasn't done "at me". It just "is" what addicts do.