I know I never imagined drinking before work, during lunch, on the way home and all night. I remember waking up during the night in a panic not being able to get back to sleep. I would just get up and chug down what I had to try and make myself able to sleep or just start the days drinking right then. The shame when the liquor store attendant wishes you good morning. I can't let myself forget this nightmare again. Reading everyone's stories reaffirms that. There is no living in that.