The phone calls, the unreachable, the unknowns, the selfish thoughtless behaviors - things are always up and down, never quite stable. What's worst is the fear that grips me, that sucks all joy and peace out of me, that makes me shaken to the core. I'm writing this at work because I cannot let anyone here see me cry, despite how much I need a good cry now, just to let this all out.
Sorry to vent, I'm just so exhausted, and disappointed at myself for not being able to just let go and let god...