All of you are amazing! You are so supportive and seem to know just what we need to hear. I somewhat know what your going through. For years I thought I raised my son wrong, was a terrible mother for always being there for him, helping him out of trouble, going to get him in the middle of the night, worrying myself sick over him... visiting him in re-hab, 1/2way houses, helping him go to college and whatever he needed to be happy without his Bud & drugs. But it was just this Jan (it's a terribly long story but my son has nothing to do with his family and friends now and is living with a abusive destructive mother of 2 that caused the father of her children to take his life) that on this site I found the steps to letting go posted here by 1 day @ a time. I made 3 copies and read them every single morning. They have helped me get by on some horrible days that I miss my son so much my heartache fills my body and soul. Maybe this will help you. It was posted 11/04/2003 under daily meditations. I'm pretty new to this and mostly just read (this is maybe my second response) but I hope I have helped.Good luck to you.