Timetoheal12

Some of you may remember that the reasong I first logged in here wasn't my family, cause I still wasn't aware of my father being an A, but it was my ex boyfriend. For those who don't know, my story is my other threads...
I was feeling very lonely. Maybe I was missing the good days we had together. 3 weeks ago he went to college and talked to me. He said he made a mistake by dumpig me, that he was very busy at work (he had 3 jobs at the time, but tbh, he managed to go bang girls and get really drunk when he wasn't busy, so yeah, I bought his excuse but I was aware of this...)
He seemengly explained many things to me and asked me to take him back. I said I would think about it.
So I told my brother about this, since my mom hates my ex I didn't wanted her to know that I saw him, let alone talked to him about getting back together. We were also having a lot of trouble with dad, so I decided to manage this by myself. I told my brother I wanted to get to know this guy without the judgement of others (my mom, in this particular case) being the one judgment that made the choices about who he was. He told me that then I could take him back, but he asked me to be careful and tell him everything... He also said "do not let him treat you badly, ok?".
I took him back. His parents and friends knew we were together because I went to reunions with him and stuff, I also went to his house. It bothered me that his parents didn't knew many of the stuff he did before. He said he didn't wanted to seem like "the bad guy". (Oh I was such a dork).
If you ask about alcohol, well, as far as I know he would not drink daily but he still drank sometimes, alone or with buddies. He was getting worse on his hungovers, that could last for days, and he also was drinking even for the whole weekends (friday, saturday, and sunday). He still had two jobs, he also started being a veganist.

He was being really caring but he started to get angry with me cause I was really quiet most of the time. I explained to him that it made me feel awkward to see him in secret, cause I never told my parents at all. I asked him if he would want to talk to them with me and he said yes... but then, a day later he said that maybe we should take a break because we were no longer compatible....
That I was really quiet most of the time and it didn't seemed to him like I wanted to be with him or enjoy his company. He said I was being dramatic for little things (like him liking pictures of another girls on facebook, or him not answering to my messages). So I tried to be more reasonable and stopped that behavior, dunno if it was really that bad of him to do that.... I dunno...
I told him that breaks were an excuse. That either he wanted to stay or he wanted to go, and he said he still loved me and that he would stay. So he did and we had nice dates, I really am not lying when I say this. However, in general, I had a bad feeling about me being disrespectul towards myself...

He sometimes would use his cellphone a loooooooot during our dates, I told him about this and he changed it.

Last week I got very busy with college and I only saw him one day.
We went to his house to eat and watch a movie.
He was really serious in general. When we got into his car the volume of his music didn't even let me make any kind of conversation.
He would not hug me or kiss me.
But after we ate, he started kissing me/touching me in a sexual manner.
I asked him to stop, and he did. He got angry and said: "see? we are not even compatible on this. You are unexperienced (I've never had sex with anyone) and I'm a little rough..."

I asked him: "is that so important to you?" He replied: "no, it is not..."
And then I started crying and asked him to take me home...
Actually, his mother entered the room at that minute and asked if I was crying, but I said no.

He uses his parent's car ad they needed to go to a place at that time, so they took me home (he was also on the car). I went off the car like 6 streets before my house without saying goodbye or anything else, I just thanked his parents.
I felt bad for not explaining why I was crying to him (I cried because I felt like he only wanted me for se, I don't know if I was right or not) so I messaged him apologizing for that and also for going away without saying anything to him.

He replied ten minutes later saying we needed to break up. I asked if this was "it" and he said it was, he even said he was sorry for searching for me in the first place and that he would not do it anymore (he already had said this on the past...). He said we weren't compatible in many things and that our relationship felt like a long distance relationship because of the thing with my parents.
I got angry and asked him why he wouldn't tell me in person and he said that it would have seemes like it was only because of the sex thing, but that no, that he felt this before when he told me about the break. I told him he was a coward but I accepted his request to break up and told him I was going to block him and to please block me on the cellphone (my cellphone was at my parents room at that time, it was really late in the night and I couldn't go and take it til' next morning). I blocked him without waiting for a response and went to try to sleep.

Next morning, when I checked my cellphone, I saw a message of him saying this: "please let me apologize in person, at least let me finish this in person". I replied that he had his chance to do it for a long time and that instead he dumped me via facebook. I asked him not to message me anymore and blocked him.

It has been days since that and I seriously am so ashamed about myself...