GettingBy

They are your memories, and they never really go away. They, like any other memories you have, can be triggered by even the most sub-conscious things. I have a memory from when I was about 3 years old. We were on a family vacation, going for a hike in a steep gorge... going to see some beautiful waterfalls. A young boy, on top of the gorge, threw a rock down, hit another woman in the head and killed her. Now by "reasoning and logic", I was barely 3 so how can I know about this? I have no clue, but ever since then I've always had nightmares and sick feelings whenever I hear a certain song, or drive by the park where it happened. I asked my Mom about it a few years ago and she was absolutely shocked at how much I remembered. I had all sorts of specific details about the lady, her husband, and their children (one was an infant and I remember my Mom taking care of the baby and changing it's diaper in our car!!!). The mind is a very powerful thing. As much as we would love to erase memories (especially those that are so tramatic), we can't... they make us who we are. The only thing we can do is try to deal with the way we react to those old memories when they re-surface. What you've been through with D has, at times I'm sure, been a "tramatic" experience for you. I don't think your fears are unfounded, and I think you're doing a great job of dealing with them. Maybe counseling will help you understand what the "triggers" are so you can either be more pro-active about avoiding them, or getting yourself to a safe place (sitting down, at the very least) before the fears kick into high gear.

Good for you! Like I said before, I have so much faith in you, and I'm so very impressed with the love you have for D and commitment you have to the marriage. It has really inspired me to dig down and find alot more patience with B. Thank you for doing that for me!