Man, my heart breaks for your kids.
I agree with forourgirls, honesty is the BEST way to show them respect during this process. I basically told DD, "I want to be honest with you & show you respect during all these changes in our lives, but sometimes the most honest IS *I don't know*, or *Let me think about the best way to answer that great question you just asked*." I told her that I was often still working on understanding things too, so I wasn't always able to explain them. I told her that NO question was off limits, but that I couldn't answer what she didn't ask. We talk openly about addiction - not just alcoholism, but how all kinds of people struggle with all kinds of behaviors. I talk to her about how it was for me as a kid with an a father who was an alcoholic & drug addict.
When we separated she was around 5 yrs old (10 now); I told her that sometimes people grow apart & just can't get along the way they once did. And that trying to FORCE that sometimes brings out the worst in both people, which makes everyone in the house miserable. Sometimes, people need time & a little space just like she does when she goes to her room to read or play alone & shuts the door. That becomes her sanctuary - but for mommies & daddies to do that it sometimes involves living apart. I told her I didn't know where any of the changes were going to take us for sure, but that I COULD promise to let her know as soon as I figured it out. (And then, of course, I kept any promises that I made.)
It really paid off for me to show some vulnerability & not try to pretend that I had my crap together all the time.
