Wow, I just wrote a long rant about your comment of me saying something negative and then my internet dropped. Most be my higher power. Just so you know I don't say anything negative about her. Nothing about the DUI, alcoholism or affair. Last night at dinner my son said how "he has the best mommy in the world". I immediately agreed with him. Today my mom told me how impressed she was that I said that. She was eating with us and said that she was floored with how I said that considering what I am going through.
When they ask why am I not in the house, I say because Mommy does not want me here. That is the truth. Nothing about love, or marriage, or divorce or breaking up. Mommy does not want to live with daddy. How else would you describe it? I have told my kids over and over how much we both love them. I have told them we will always be a family. They will always have a mommy and daddy, we just won't live together. My wife refuses to sit down as a family and discuss this with them. This divorce was not a joint decision, it was done while I was out of town. We had not been fighting, we had actually been doing very good as told to us by our marriage counselor. In my kids world I went to a training meeting out of town and did not come back. And all my stuff in the house was gone. To them I vanished.
We are taking the kids to a child psychologist to deal with this and the psychologist is the one that told me to tell them that "mommy does not want to live with daddy". My wife tells them that "this is like losing a tooth, or going from kindergarten to 1st grade. It is just a change in life." That is not accurate, it is not about a simple change. It is more like a death, it is a death to a relationship and a way of life. Some positive will come from this, but a lot more hurt, pain and difficult situations today.
My kids keep asking "why". Just telling them, "people change", is not enough. That is very confusing to them. They want to know why. I don't know why. She has never told me. Originally it was I was a threat to her. That is now all gone. Now it is because I am an unfit father because I travel for work. I don't know what to tell them. I love her, but I cannot live with her. She is a dangerous person for me to be with, she can make any false claim and I could go to jail. It is that simple. But I can't tell my kids that.
Making a simple statement about not getting along only lasts for about 30 minutes and then they start asking why. Kids are not dumb. You can't pacify them with a simple statement and think that you are all good. They keep asking why. It is very difficult. She should tell them the truth. She does not want to be married to daddy anymore. Tell them why. It would be better than telling them nothing.