Hi, ScubaDad--I'm sorry for the problems you're going thru. I want to make a suggestion, if I may: It looks like it's nearly a year since you started this thread. In that time, I don't see where you've posted to any other thread except this one. Have you been reading other posts here? I have found it extremely helpful for my growth and learning to read and contribute to other threads, partly b/c it gives me perspective on my own situation and partly b/c there is a lot to be gained from seeing the ways in which others have learned, grown and overcome adversity.
I'm really glad to hear you're using Alanon as a tool in your recovery; that face-to-face support can do a lot. You might be pleasantly surprised if you can take the focus off of your own situation a little bit and look around on some other threads here at SR also--there's an awful lot going on and a lot of inspiration and hope being shared. It can really change your day, and your life.
Wishing you strength and clarity.