((((Equus)))),
There are a few common themes that I keep "hearing" in your posts.
1) You keep second guessing your choices because you're afraid of how it's going to make him feel. That is the ultimate sickness that we who live with alcohol abuse have to over come. When I'm making choices for me, I have to remind myself to focus on me. If my choice is to do something to help me heal or feel better, than I can't keep obsessing about how it may (or may not!!!) make B feel. I have to make my decisions based on what I know now, not what I think may or may not happen. We can't control outcomes! D is actively accepting to go with you and he's no dummy. He knows what going to a counselor means, and yet he's still agreeing to go. What may or may not happen or be said with the counselor is out of your control. You can't stop having your feelings because you're afraid it will hurt D. If you are afraid of the alcohol because of what has happened in the past, you have to share that with him. Maybe you're afraid because you don't know how to share that without sounding mean, cold, scolding, etc... well that's EXACTLY what the counselor is there for! To help you approach the issue in the way you need to but just can't figure out!
2) I kind of touched on it above, but I'd like to say it more firmly now. You CAN NOT control the outcome or consequences. All you can do is evaluate a situation, make a decision/choice, and then wait and see what happens. Maybe D will get angry and decide he's had enough of you meddling with the alcoholism. Maybe something will be said that makes it "click" for him. Maybe this time he'll see that he really can't control the alcohol. You and I can only sit and guess about all the possible outcomes, but the reality is that we have no choice on which one happens. Trust your insticts. If you're gut says "Go see a counselor" and D is a willing participant, then you're meant to be there. Whatever happens there will happen, and it will be progress. Maybe not the direction we WANT, but in a direction we need.
Like I said before, I do have a lot of faith in you. And NO it's not misguided. I see so much strength in your honesty about the situation. You're being very true about what is going on and what you are feeling, and that is AWESOME!!!
:-) Shannon