Kafkaesque

Pouncer, I am so sorry. I understand what you mean about his addiction making you feel unwanted and self-conscious. My husband has actually said that my drinking made him feel that same way - like he wasn't enough for me, that I needed to drink to be with him in general and intimately. I tried to explain to him that it had nothing to do with him! It was ME, I had to drink to make MYSELF feel better. I'm just wondering if perhaps you and your husband can discuss how similarly addictions impact the non-addicted spouse and maybe bring you two closer together because of it? I would never say I wish my husband was the way I am (I wouldn't wish alcoholism on my worse enemies...) but there is a part of him that thinks my being an alcoholic is a choice and we both get frustrated that he doesn't understand it. I'm just hoping maybe this could bring you two together, as you are both working on getting and staying sober. It sounds like there is still a lot of love there, so I'm just trying to find the silver lining.

If he doesn't want to get sober with his SA though, obviously that's a different story. I also understand what you mean when you say his addiction was a trigger for your drinking, but if I were you I'd try to separate the two because it sounds like the AV talking trying to find justification for drinking again. I'm not saying drinking doesn't make it easier for you to deal with his addiction (I am sure it does) I am just more concerned with your well-being is all, as I am sure this is taking a toll on you mentally and emotionally.

I really hope things get better for you, Pouncer. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I'll be thinking about you today so please keep us updated if you can. (((Hugs)))