Pouncer

Yeah...I don't want to have anything to do with him right now. I was pretty cruel and I am starting to feel bad about it. I told him that he was ugly, fat and had bad skin. I told him that he was lucky that someone as attractive as me would even TOUCH him. I went even lower than that...which was totally unnecessary...criticized his body parts...I am not proud of that.

This goes beyond occasional use. It used to be so bad that he would stand over me at night to check if I was asleep and do his thing elsewhere. It creeped me out...and he had a very unnatural approach to intimacy - sorry, I am trying to be discreet. He did it at work, he went nearly a year at SA Anonymous and things were much, much better. I could always tell when he was faltering. He stops touching or pursuing me. It goes way beyond harmless use. I sound stupid when I say this, but I never consciously dealt with it or recognized it. I just kept denying and drinking. And drinking. It would get to the point where he could no longer deny it, get on his hands and knees and promise to stop.

The thing that really bothers me about this subject is if there is an implication is that I am a prude. Minimizing p*rn use for him is the same thing as telling an alcoholic, 'Go ahead and moderate. Everyone drinks. Your wife needs to lighten up. Get her to drink with you, then you guys can have fun together.' He cannot moderate p*rn and just like a chemical addiction, it rewires a person's neurology. The internet is always there, always ready, always sexy, is a shapeshifter -- it becomes whoever he wants it to be -- and I cannot compete with that.

Anyway, my .02 is already known. I just wish I was somewhere else right now. I am really tired of treating everything like a crisis. Just like any addict this is up to him, not me.