Hello noexcuse - welcome back to SR - we're glad to see you.
Alcohol took over my life too, without me even realizing what was happening. I drank almost 30 years - all during my son's upbringing. When I finally stopped pretending I had any control, that's when I was able to stop. I clung to the idea of moderating for many years - and it almost destroyed me. You can get free of it noexcuse. Keep talking to us - we care.