Almost two years ago my best friend 's (of 50 years) husband went to jail on a drunken domestic charge against her (. We grew up as next door neighbors, been BFF's since we were 4 years old.)
Of course he was released and one of the conditions of his release was "no contact". Within three days of his release they are texting and emailing each other. Within a week they are meeting in remote areas.
By day she was crying on my shoulder about what a mess her life was, by night she is shacking up with him. Bottom line ,I had to take a step back and allow her the dignity to figure it out for herself. Almost 2 years later, they are still together.
He was court ordered to AA and anger management, he is still an angry drunk, and about every other weekend, there is a nasty exchange between the two of them, but I have come to the conclusion, she is living her life as she see fit.
Like you, I will not be in the same room with him. When she and I are together, we no longer talk/discuss him, if she brings him up, i quickly change the subject, or leave. And that is for my sanity, I have to accept I don't get to choose for her.
Yes, it has been a strain on our lifelong friendship, but I refuse to be sucked into that vortex of batsh*t crazy. We all have free will, we all can choose, and this is what she chooses, so be it.
The older I get , the more I realize people only do what they want. Nobody is holding a gun to her head. She has her own money, she has her own home, yet she is choosing this life and lifestyle, so be it..........
I agree with knowthetriggers, perhaps a break is in order, give each of you a chance to refocus and gather your thoughts. Sorry this is happening, I truly understand your tears. hang in there.