I know how you feel-truly. My ex and I had great times too-plenty. When my head was in the sand and I was in denial about me and my drinking, life was good-or so I thought. I was terrified to the core to whisper the words "my husband is an alcoholic" and even more terrified to say "I'm depressed, angry, and feel like I'm going insane and I need help". I reached my bottom and pulled myself out-for me and most importantly, our kids-praying each day to break the generational sin of alcoholism for them. My head is no longer in the sand-and it's very freeing. Peace to you.