Originally Posted by ScubaDad

Hi all,

I got an update and its not good. My wife filed for divorce about 45 days ago while I was out of town for work. Two days before we were working on a family vacation. She even tried to file a restraining order claiming that I threatened to kill her, committed domestic violence and forced sex on her. All totally false, so much so that the judge banned her attorney from even asking me questions about it once we got to court. But for 31 days I could not get into my house without her calling the police and I only saw my kids for four days out of 31. The police would not stop me from going in my house, but they said "look, all she is going to do is just keep calling us. If you want your kids to watch this kind of stuff then you can keep coming. We can't tell you what to do, but it might be best to get what you need out of the house and leave." All so crazy. Women can make any claim and the police have to take it seriously. I totally understand why, it is just not fair when it is such a lie.

Everything was going good with us until around October/November. She decided to do some "consulting" for free. Pretty crazy huh. I asked her why and she said she wanted to help people. Mind you we are not rich and in no way do we have the money to work for free. I didn't agree with it but I didn't try to stop her. I have been a faithful member of Al Anon and I am working my 12 steps. I know I cannot control another person, I can state my opinion once and leave it at that.

By mid January I started to think that she might be cheating on me again. I sometimes travel for work and when I would be back in town she became less and less available to meet with me for lunch. On the weekends she would go early and stay late at her AA meetings. Many weekends the kids and I would just hang out all morning without her. She stopped going to bed with me, she would fall asleep with the kids and then come in later. Finally our sex life pretty much vanished. It was driving me crazy to think that she would cheat again. I asked my sponsor if I should talk to her about it and he said "why?". I said because it is killing me. He said "all she will do is tell you no, even if she is cheating, she lied to you once why do you think she would ever tell you the truth?". He told me that if God wanted my wife and I to be separate He would show me a sign. I tried to keep my mouth shut but I couldn't take it. I finally asked her in early March. She said no, I told her that if she wanted to be with somebody else to just tell me, give me that dignity. She just walked away. She came back later and said that I torture her with the fact that she cheated on me. I almost never brought it up, and when I did it was because her behaviors would make me think she was cheating again. She asked me if I believe she was, I said no, that I only think she is. She wanted to know what the difference was, I said if I really believed she was then I would just want to be divorced. Seven days later she filed.

For 31 days I could not get in the house. She took all of my belongings and moved them to the basement. If you came in our house you would not even know I lived there. She took all of my clothes and put them in the basement. She took pictures down of me with the kids and put them in the basement. She took our wedding pictures down and threw them in my office on the floor. She canceled my lifelock. She took me off the family membership at the gym. She changed the alarm codes at the house. She put a deadbolt lock on our bedroom door. It was like she was trying to erase me from the earth. It is all so crazy.

The court forced her to let me back in the house. We are doing a thing called "nesting". We rotate in and out of the house while the kids stay in it full time. It is not ideal, but it at least got me out of my parents basement and I get quality time with my kids. When we went to court she brought up all the bs lies where she said I threatened to kill her, committed domestic violence and forced sex on her. When my attorney asked her why she never reported any of this she had no answer. Why not report it while she was in jail, or rehab or with her therapist over the last three years. Nothing. Finally my attorney asked her if she was ever afraid of me. Nope, never. The judge stopped the proceedings and pulled both attorneys aside and told them that they were done with that topic and her attorney was not allowed to ask me one question about it.

Now her plan is to say I am unfit father because I travel for work. How crazy is that. What was I supposed to do. This is the type of work I have been doing for the last 18 years. She knew it when we met. But now it is bad. And it is a battle in court. Her offer for custody was every other weekend and one weekday night. I told them nothing less than 50/50. We are still fighting on it. All because she filed and I was out of town for training. Nothing about he DUI with our son matters, because I did nothing about it back in June of last year. I kick myself for that everyday. I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to help her and keep our family together. I should have left her in jail, filed for divorce and filed a restraining order. But I tried to do a noble thing and it totally backfired. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it.

So now I am stuck waiting for her to do anything about the divorce. I am ready to be done. I just want to be finished with her and this marriage. She refuses to sit down and talk to the kids about it as a family. When I ask her why she said we should have done it on the first day. On that day she was trying to get me falsely arrested. She is so crazy. I don't think she is drinking. I think she is either in a dry drunk or is bi-polar. Either way it is totally crazy. She refuses to do anything. All she does is take the kids to bowling alleys are arcades. She told the court she was working but to my knowledge she is doing nothing. There is no food in our house when I come in. There is no toilet paper. There is no soap. It is nuts. Her dogs is destroying our house. He has dug the carpet down to bare concrete. When I ask her to not allow that she says I am being silly.

The only good thing is that I am having more fun with my kids than I ever had before. We are doing what I want to do and not worrying about her. She would never go and do the fun stuff that we like to do (hiking, zip lines, museums, camping, dinner outside with the dog, walking the dog). She is such a selfish person. I will never understand her.

Keep me in your prayers. I could really use it. If I had one wish it would be to just get this done and start the next chapter in my life.