OK so today has been a toughie for me emotionally. Really feeling it today.
Since I made it clear to STBXAH that I would not be waiting around for the next year or so to see if he really is in recovery as he claims to be (not my experience though), and that what I actually said was I would be willing to DISCUSS it in some kind of mediation or marriage counselling, well he just hasn't responded.
That doesn't surprise me, I was sort of expecting that, however what I wasn't so much expecting is the effect it would have on me.
I thought I was doing OK, and I am, however I notice hurt feelings coming up that he didn't respond, and still some disbelief that this has happened. I must have been holding out some kind of hope, although that seems crazy since I left him and he is since cheating on me with someone else (if the hairbrush in the drawer is to be believed, which I think it has to be).
I know there is NO reason for disbelief, I only have to read the posts here to know that this is what addicts do. However disbelief, that my husband, the man who was so loving and present in our relationship just 8 months ago, would behave this way.
And deep sadness.
In my mind that was his last lifeline as far as our relationship goes. And he chose not to take it.
Anyway that aside this is supposed to be my POSITIVE thread so here goes -
Today I got up at a reasonable time. I did some excellent work on my business and got some things done. Really made some excellent progress.
I just had a shower and a hair wash and tonight I will be going to my Al Anon meeting.
I prepared and ate some healthy lunch, although I also ate a sausage roll afterwards (doh!). I have put on weight since this all started. I know I cannot blame him for that (oh please let me blame him!!! :-)) however this is what I have done when I feel stress and unhappy.
I know I will gradually get back in shape now.
I am just attempting to convince myself to go for a walk, I have been really good at doing this. I think I will.
That's about all for now folks.