JKSGRL

.Easier said than done Earthworm, I have tried and I am trying. I stopped communication with him again, I cancelled all my travel plans, lost some money because of it but at this point I believe I'd lose a lot more going.

I’m still struggling with blocking him again. I read the messages he sends, listen to the voicemails but I don’t respond and I have no desire to respond at this point, the messages haven’t been mean, they are pretty sad. He emails me our songs and tells me to please forgive him, that he can’t live without me but I have heard it all a million times before and I am afraid to respond now because of how quickly he changes into a narcissist once we actually speak.

The last conversation we had he was actually calm and I was able to express myself in a mature, loving way. I didn’t have to yell back or be left in tears. Of course I realize that he still isn’t himself and likely doesn’t really hear me or rather he doesn’t take me seriously (which is my own damn fault) but I felt good about the conversation regardless. I said my peace and left it with kind words explaining that I laid out my boundaries and he didn’t respect them and as much as I want to be in his life it isn’t healthy for me anymore and I have to finally stick to my guns. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, I just need to move on and heal. He seemed to be rather understanding about it but again he is so deep in his addiction right now that I don’t think he really gets it or cares for that matter.

His best friend is very upset with me. In his mind I am giving up on him when he is at the lowest he’s ever been. I asked him to please educate himself on the “disease” like I am trying and perhaps he’ll understand where I am coming from. But man that’s a bitch, when his family and best friend believe I am being heartless and giving up on a “dying” man. They absolutely do not seem to understand my decision to move on when he is such a mess, probably won’t live long or will be going to jail for a long time. They think I am being selfish because in this circumstance I should dismiss all the BS and just be there for him. They can’t begin to understand why I just won’t keep my travel plans and come be with, to love him as he is knowing this might be the end of the road. And then this is when I start to doubt myself……