ScubaDad,
I am so sorry to hear all of this. I've thought of you often and wondered how you & the kids were doing. I know this must be hard but it sounds like you are doing what you need to do for the kids. They will always remember that. You cannot control your STBXW actions, only yours. It sounds as if the judge is onto her so bide your time, hold your ground and it will all work out. Keep us updated.