It continues....
Hello everyone! I am on my fifth day so far. I appreciate all the welcomes here and just everyone in general. I went through a horrible withdrawal after 3day binge. I went through it awake and that is because I have insomnia, not caused by drinking ive had it since I was a kid. I was awake for three nights and yesterday i was getting to feeling better from withdrawal. I hid my sleeping pills because although ive never overdosed, I have taken some when drinking so I hid them. I hadnt been able to find them until last night at about 2:30am (i still could not sleep & didn't want to be on my fourth night). I finally had 5hours of sleep and I woke up,went to the restroom fixed myself up and im feeling a lot better, but this is where i worry because once i feel even more better I start working out then im way better, but i start writting less, i dont look at my affirmations, i dont look at the letter i write to myself feeling like poo so i remind myself not to be here anymore, i go back to "normal life" and for some reason that baffles me i forget all that happened & i feel elated and go have a drink or say "hey its the weekend ,why not,let loose" scary..... Ive never been on a forum like this because I dont like people seeing me at my worst, because i know im great at being at my best, people that dont know this side of me,love having me around,im always.the funny, I'll cheer you up kind of person. I realized today that only my pen and paper and my mind know all this about me (a few have taken me to the hoapital or just seen my withdrawals). Anyhow im rambling. Point is im glad im opening up, i even put a picture up of myself because i want to expose myself and make this real for me this time, especially since I know my routine. Anyhow thank your for reading, day six here i come. I read some people are only on day.two, please continue, its a struggle, nothing worth comes easy...love you all...WE are worth it...