Originally Posted by
Yogagurl 
Line Drawn:
1. - being a kind, supportive person to the addict & enabling the addict
Addicts are very resourceful. Step away from providing support as a test and see how quickly you will be replaced with someone who can step in picking up the tasks you leave off. I was replaced in two weeks when I left my AH. He moved in with another woman two weeks after I left him and has been with her ever since.
My dear YG. This is sadly too true, how resourceful addicts are. Given my AH's flirting with other women including exes and friends (ex-friends at this point), I realize he has back-up options in mind, and that had any of the women said yes, he probably would have made a run for it. And in no time, the-new-woman will be screaming at him and him at her and the misery cycle will continue. It has happened before and it will happen again as long as the addict is still in active addiction.
I've imagined (and tried to push away) that scenario so many times in my head. You are actually living it, and you are actually overcoming it day by day. I keep you in my prayers, YG.
Originally Posted by
Yogagurl 2.- being compassionate to the addict & being compassionate to me?
I don't know if you AH can show you compassion when his motives are directly drive by substance abuse
This has really tortured me, especially in the last few months. From time to time the questions get into my head: has he ever really loved me? weren't there at least a few moments of clarity in all these years, did he love me or not love me then? has there ever been any compassion? has he stayed with me because I take care of him and fulfill his needs - companionship, shelter, food, drugs?
I have read and heard that an addict has no love for his partner, only for his drugs of choice. That for me to ask whether he has loved me, I might as well accept "No" as the default answer. As much as I want to accept that, to think that I've lived and gone through all those years with a person who has no capacity for love or compassion because of his addiction, it hurts so damn much...
These are some hard lines YG. But I do believe in "it comes like a switch." Somewhere along the line a switch came on for me. Tiny light, but I start to see now how dark of a place I've been in.
Much love and light YG. Thank you.