Johnno - I can relate to how you're feeling! When I started to pay attention to what I had been ignoring in my heart - I hurt! When I started to pull away from AH as a result of that pain I'd been feeling in my heart - I hurt!
I longed for the good times, but I knew there was no going back. During the "good times", we were both blotto drunk together. During the good times, when I passed out from being blotto drunk, he withheld kindness from me, which I had to beg for back by being at his sexual beck and call. During the good times, I was hungover all the time, miserable, and unable to do things I liked and needed to do.
I cried a lot when I peeled away the top layers of our enmeshment. It isn't easy, but emotional sobriety - like sobriety from drinking - is good.
I'm still married to AH. I'm still working through my resentments and my boundaries. But I have so much more gratitude and acceptance in my life. I'm so much happier, joyful, and free than I was a year ago. I find that the more I keep myself pointed towards peace and serenity, the less important his actions are, and the stronger I am.