Awarenes is painful. A few months ago, I think I was crying every single day. A lot what you say was in my head. But how you feel right now might be just a phase. Mourning the good old days? Then in my case things got so much worse as I stopped cooking (have not slept with him in the bed for certainly over a year, and all my clothes is out of the bedroom closet and drawers). He started going down rapidly, really unimaginable speed. Does he still drink? YES! He is so on defensive when it comes to alcohol that he would gladly throw me to aligators if he had to for booze.
Detachment shows you a lot of nasty things, because you are not blind anymore, but eventually you will start seeing the way out.
Many hugs to you