PippiLngstockng

Well, haven't been around these parts since my divorce was finalized. Sometimes you just want to move on. But life is still...well, life. At least I am fully engaged in mine, even if it refuses to bend entirely to my will :-)

I starting seeing someone just as the divorce came through. On paper, he was great. From a highly respected family, and a place where people are known to be honest and sincere. (this is Europe...where you come from has a lot of meaning here) He's a surgeon and chief doctor of his hospital, separated, no children but claimed he always wanted a large family...Introduced me to his friends, took me to the very best restaurants, 5-star hotels, told me he loved me...blah blah blah.

I held back because you just never know, and this site plus my dealings with xah sure taught me to keep my eyes wide open...

And sure enough, one weekend at a fancy hotel with the most gorgeous weather and skiing and music...my friend wants to go to clubs all night. I am turning into a tired pumpkin but he starts pressuring me to drink and dance and he's going to the men's room frequently and returning sniffing through his nose too much...

Same thing next night, only worse. This guy is getting totally strung out, aggressive, paranoid. leaving to the rest room and coming back wired. I want to go home. He leaves me at a bar at 2 am and guess what - guys start hitting on me. I am too old for this sh*t! He comes back, sees me talking to someone, and storms out in a rage.

Finally, I head out to the hotel, peacefully, but also fed up. He pursues me and the next thing I know, he punches me!!!!! In the chest!!! This is a surgeon.

Later, I read up on surgeons and drug abuse and guess who invented cocaine and were the first coke addicts?

Anyway, I find my way to the police station and they take me back to the hotel. He's thrown all of my belongings in the hall and the police interview him. He gives them some crap story in their native language, blah blah, and they then take me at 4am to get examined by a doctor, who reports red marks. My chest hurts but I am tough and I am fine. I just dont want Herr Surgeon to do this to his next date.

The police drive me 1 hour to get me on the direct train to my car ( I am in a very remote mountain resort) and I get in my own bed by 9 am.

Mr Surgeon later contacts me all week and I try to learn and get some mutual understanding/healing from this stupid situation. Something I was unable to do with xah, but maybe with all my experience, I could do better this time... But the guy, like my xah, cant look at himself honestly. He denies punching me completely. He wants to rent me and the children a fancy chalet for the year. He diverts the conversation and tries to put the focus on what I need to give up in my life to improve our relationship.

Finally, after a week of this nonsense, I see I am never going to get through. This is another addict protecting his addiction. Way richer, with a famous father and highly respected family, at least as brilliant as xah...but in the end...just another selfish, fragile, half-broken addict.

I should get a degree from all this.

I have some garbage to sift through and maybe I lost some time...but it was piles of fun for a while there...I learned tons about surgery and hospitals, got great ski instruction, all new ski clothes, improved my language skills, dined awfully well...Not what I was looking for, mind you, but it is what life brought me this time.

And I am more ready to redouble my efforts to living a more wholesome, grounded, modest existence with my children. I see that men with a certain edge and drive attract me, but these men are trouble. It isnt the money that appeals to me, it is the energy and intelligence that lead them to have successful careers. And be jerks, apparently.

I kept my children out of this because I just wasn't ever ready to let down my guard. I must have had some inner sense that something was up. I kept them with friends when I went out. The children, by the way, are doing great.

No regrets. But lots of learning. Addicts are everywhere.

I still need adventure in my life. But I am going to find it in through other means.

I am sharing this because I was stupid and believed that 1) career and background would make addiction less likely; 2) I could enjoy the moment without getting attached/hurt by someone; 3) I could get through to another addict because of all that I'd learned here/from Al-Anon/life.

Nope. Not even!