I really hope you are okay. Been watching this thread. I'm f'ed out of my head right now too. Drank too much, took too much, about to do too much of other things. But, the difference is, you reached out for help. Whether you see it that way or not that is what you did. You don't want to die. We don't want you to die. I have been where you are and I can tell you that wanting to stay awake because you know without a shadow of a doubt that you will die if your eyes closed is not enough to keep you alive. I have found this out the hard way more times than I care to admit. Please, please. Even if you don't care whether you live or die call someone. Anyone. You deserve a shot. Come on. You've got nothing to lose.