He fools me a lot, im starting to understand this. Im not sure he actually lies to me yet, i believe that he believes what he is saying. The most dangerous kind of liar ... Those who think they are telling the truth.
One of yhe conditions his boss had for him to keep his job was for him to go talk to this counselor at his church. His boss took him there, on the clock of course, they talked for about 3 hours. When it was all said and done he joined their recovery program a 22 week program every Tuesday night. His AA group meets on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. The counselor told him not to get burnt out on to many meetings that God will take over. Not get burnt out???? Anyways, so now his plan is to see a physiologist one day a week, go to this church program and then church on Sunday. This is so temporary, this is about appeasing his boss until hes secure and appeasing me. He even started laying his ground work last night for an out. At dinner, which was silent and ackward, he did say "im not sure about thus church thing. Its a big church and i dont really see myself going there. If i dont like it maybe we could try something else. " i kind of chuckled and responded with "you dont seem to stick with anything. AA, reading any of the books you got or anything. You always do stuff long enough to suck everyone back in and then say you got this. The fact is , you dont have this and need some help. Until you decide that it will just be a repeative circle " . We went back to silence.
Im not sure whose head to bang againts the wall, mine or his. I keep saying i just want this to stop. But like him and his drinking ... Im the only one that can stop this for myself. Jump of the darn train. Stop complaining about stuff you can change on the outside it seems so simple, i guess it really is. However, i guess its the same all around, when your to change you will. I feel so ready but obviously Im not because here i sit on a beautiful morning doing this as life passes me by.
Right now writing this stuff and reading the responses is the only place i feel any release. I feel its making me stronger. So, i continue.