Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
What about these articles that say because addiction is a mental disease, that the addict cannot think clearly, or help themselves. And therefore it is our responsibility to intervene.
honey if that were true, then how do you suppose AA ever got started? or NA? addicts DO have what are called "moments of clarity" - tiny windows of time when they do SEE what is going on and know how bad it is - and in those moments, they DO have a choice. i will make the exception for the very late stage alcoholic or addict, or those with underlying and untreated mental illness such as bipolar or schizophrenia.
listen to me....IT IS NOT CARMEN'S JOB TO MAKE ANYONE ELSE SEE. not your responsibility. you have let others know what you have witnessed, what your experience has told you. what THEY do with that is UP TO THEM.
this friend says he's fine with what your (X)AH told him. that is his CHOICE. that does not MEAN that all is well and that your husband is magically CURED. that is where your doubt is creeping in.....
its time now to sever more ties. you don't need to keep sending out Public Service Announcements to those in his circle to try and get someone to join your side. this is not a campaign. this IS about your sanity and sense of peace. breathe. get some distance from this. put it all in the hands of your Higher Power.
Yes.
This is all so true.
Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII [I]this is not a campaign.
No. However it did feel like that. Thing is I did stop contact with any of his family and friends a couple of weeks ago, however his friend only text me back now, and it stirred up that panic feeling again realising that no-one is listening to me or taking on board what is happening.
Sigh.
I realise there is nothing I can do. And I am ready to give it up.
I was thinking about our marriage over the past 1.6 years and I realised it has been absolute **** ! The first 3 months were good, really good, and then we had some great times last year as we were traveling together, however he didn't work that whole time. I was working (I work online) to support us.
In fact he hardly contributed at all. It was my ideas, my energy, I was the one working, earning money, which never got us far. No matter how hard I worked were never had enough money.
I realise that I was starved of conversation as he was not a big talker. There was little in the way of romance, except when I made a big fuss about it. Also we didn't really go out as I felt bad because he couldn't drink when we went out, due to being a dry drunk.
Then we came back to UK for him to work and pay off a couple of credit cards. At that point if he had done that the cards could have been paid, and us off again traveling, within a couple of months.
Instead he picked up. And we got stuck in this nightmare.
7 months later and I have left. He did start working in January, however nothing else improved from my point of view.
There was still the lying, the sneakily behaviour - using and lying about it basically.
Do you know I went to the US for a short work convention in December last year. I seriously considered not going as it was only a couple of months after he relapsed and I was afraid he would relapse again. His mother disapproved of me going.
However I made a decision to go because I knew how codependent it would be not too. It was a BIG dream of mine and would help me further my business.
I decided his recovery was his business and that he would do what he would do regardless of whether I was there.
At that time he was attending 1 SMART meeting a week (he could have gone to more) and had a drug worker. We made a plan for people he would call for support including his drug worker, his SMART leader and his mum. I also Skyped in every day.
I was gone a week. While I was gone, on one of our phone calls he began crying and said he had no food??!!
I of course sent him some money for food, however due to our financial situation caused by him not working, and me struggling to keep my business going while he relapsed and was in hospital, I was very low on money.
Do you know I had to eat crisps for dinner one night because I couldn't afford dinner?
I don't think he gave a **** !
I also did not have the money to go out with the other ladies from my convention.
When I arrived home he was late picking me up from the airport, even though he knew my luggage was lost and I was cold (long story however I didn't have my coat).
When he arrived the car had no petrol and he hardly bothered to speak to me.
Of course he was using, although I was in denial about that at the time.
Frequently we didn't have money for proper food. However when I have spoken to him about this he seems to think *HE* supported us when we were traveling because he spent a couple of hundred pounds on his credit cards.
Of course where he used BOTH our financial situations just got A LOT worse. We could have been sorted within a couple of month. However instead we have gone down....
The ship sunk.
Well I am out now.
I am not saying there were NO issues on my side or that our marriage was perfect, however I do see just how hard I have been trying, and how much I have put in to save this marriage over the past year and a half.
And how unsuitable of a partner he really is for me.
I am a social person. I love to travel. I love conversation, dancing and people.
All that was gone with him.
His redeeming factor used to be that he was really kind to me. He treated me well at the beginning and was really loving. That is why I married him. We had a connection and he loved me more than I had every experienced before.
However ALL that is gone now. He doesn't treat me well anymore and he is not kind.
There is literally NOTHING left for me here.
I think I gave it my everything. So at least I know I did that.
Last night I began to get REALLY angry. I think this is a good thing.
Wow, that ended up being long.
Thanks for listening.